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This is My Song

I’ve been spending a lot of time this past couple of years in the Psalms as I’ve been trying to deal with my own personal battles.  There’s been times where I’ve felt like I’m running for my very life, just as David did.  There’s been times when those battles threatened to overtake me, leaving me with nowhere to go but to the Lord, my God.  As I’ve read and re-read those songs, I’ve started to wonder just what my poem would sound like if I were to write a Psalm to God?  Would I tell of my struggles and fears but then turn my circumstances into a song of praise like David did?  Would I feel known to – and heard by – God as I felt Him working in my life? 

What words would I want God to hear from me?

O Lord, You see my battles;  

   my soul is weary and my heart is afraid.

 I look up towards the heavens

     and wonder if You’re really there –

     if You know me – if You hear me when I lift my voice to You.

I look at this crazy world around me and

     am reminded that I am in this world but not of it.

So often, I don’t understand why the things that are happening

     are allowed to go on, tearing innocent lives apart

     while the criminal walks free.

Yet, I know in my heart that I’m not to judge –

     You’ve told us that vengeance is Yours –

You will bring justice for the wrongs.

My eyes don’t see it.  My heart doesn’t feel it.

Even so, can it still be?

You tell us that if Your people will humble themselves before You

     that You will heal their land.

We need You, O Lord;

I need You, my God.

This season has been long – I can’t help but wonder if You’ve forgotten me.

How can I hang onto that hope when I can’t see you?

The world is filled with noise all around me

     that threatens to overcome Your voice –

     but it is the midst of the storm – of the earthquakes that unsettle me –

     that I hear the whisper of Your still small voice

     asking me, “Where are you?”

It is then that my heart stands up inside of me and answers,

     “I am here, Lord.  I am here.”

It is in that place that I hear Your voice;

I feel Your righteous right hand reaching down to pull me up

     from all that threatens to overwhelm me.

You promise me that You never grow weary-

     that You’ll never forsake me –

     that You’re coming back for me – for us.

Until that day, I will wait on You, Lord –

My soul will wait silently – patiently – on You, my one true God.

My weary soul stands strong as I rest my hope in You –

For You are the Rock of my strength

     and Yours is the glory that will carry me home.

Until that day, my soul will wait silently – patiently – on You, my God.

Let’s Talk

What would your song sound like? I’d love to hear what you come up with if you’d like to share it.

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I’ve been struggling today with all the emotions the trials I’m walking through have brought to the surface. I “know” that I’m supposed to give it all to God, but I am having a hard time trying to do that – the anxiety comes and goes, along with all that comes with it. Jesus never promised me that He’d remove me from those hard times – from the things that sometimes seem so large and overwhelming. What He gave me were His promises – His Word – and what I’m sharing today was inspired by a Scripture verse that has reached deep into my heart – at the very core of my insecurities – and reassured me that, even when if feels that no one hears me or that my cries get lost deep in the shuffle of everyday life, He is still there.

SEEN

I think we are born with the longing to be seen.  From the moment we take our first breath, we just want to be loved.  It’s not a conscious desire that we put into words, but we can communicate it with those around us.  As we grow and life slips in and robs us of our childhood innocence, we’re often left with hardened hearts and deeply embedded messages in our minds that tell us we’re not good enough.

As we step into our roles:

We carry these messages with us as we step into the roles we’re expected to fill – a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a fulltime career, a caregiver – and somewhere in the midst of trying to do all of those things, we lose ourselves.  Life becomes nothing but a series of going through the motions, without a sense of purpose and, often times, without our dreams. We do the best we can with what we’ve got inside of us.  We make our mistakes along the way – some of which hurt others – most of which hurt us even more.  We carry on, though, in spite of feeling as if there’s no one out there who can look past the façade we present to the world and just see who we really are.

What do they see?

I often wonder what someone sees when they look at me – if they can see the good parts of me, or if all they see is what’s on the surface without taking time to see what’s in my heart.  Can they see past the walls to all the mistakes I’ve made in my lifetime?  Do they see someone whose sins are many and feels unworthy of being loved?  Can they see past those times when I try to reach out only to fail because I don’t know how – or do they look at those jumbled attempts and figure it’s best to keep me at arm’s length? 

Is anyone out there?

Sometimes I just want to stand on the rooftop and scream “See me!”  My soul grows weary from just wanting to be seen for who I truly am rather than who I appear to be on the surface.  There are days when I want to give up and resign myself to a life of invisibility.

He sees…

It’s in my weakest moments, however, that Jesus reaches down from the heavens to take me in His arms.  He dries my tears and reminds me that I am His, that I am loved, and that He sees me for who I am.  Most of all, He whispers in my ear that all those mistakes I’ve made – all those sins I’ve committed – are part of the past.  Because of His great love for me, I am seen – I am forgiven – and He tells me that the woman He sees when He looks at me is who I should see when I look at myself because my identity is in Him.

“Do you see this woman?  …her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.” ~Luke 7:44,47 

Let’s Talk.

We all have those days – those days when we can be so aware of all of our blessings and yet feel as if we’re walking though our trials alone – days when it seems as if nobody sees us. If you’re comfortable sharing yours, please do so in the “Leave Comment” section to your left. I’d love to hear from you.

***This was taken from the upcoming collaborative devotional I’m currently working on with William Obaugh, “Journeys of Faith: Two Ordinary People, One Extraordinary God.

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God Around Us: Lessons from a Tree

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

One of the things I love most about my daily walks is the lessons I learn simply through observing Nature as it moves through the various seasons of its life.  I was almost home this morning, when this tree caught my attention.  At first glance, it’s hard to see anything about it that would have made it stand out to me.  That’s the thing about lessons – they often don’t stand out to us at first glance.  It’s not until later than what we’re supposed to learn becomes clear to us.

At First Glance

As I looked at this tree, I couldn’t help but think about how often I’ve felt like it looks – standing bare before the world to see, my beauty hidden from the eyes that looked upon me, with nothing to offer – cold and alone, as though Life had stolen my hope from me.  Yeah – at first glance, I was reminded of how hard the seasons of life can be, especially when we’re standing in the middle of winter, maybe unable to see anything beautiful ahead of us.

Another Look

But here’s what I see when I look at this small, barren tree: in this seemingly lifeless season of winter, it doesn’t lean towards the ground in defeat as if all hope is gone.  Instead, it stands tall, with its branches reaching up towards the heavens as if it knows that this, too, shall pass.  While its beauty is hidden from the world, life still flows inside of its roots, just waiting for the warmth of Spring’s first days to touch it gently.  It seems to be waiting patiently for the light to touch its roots and send that life streaming through its bare branches once again.  It’s subtle at first – a few buds will appear and might even go unnoticed.  But then one day, almost overnight, those buds will open and new leaves will appear, decorating those stark limbs with bright shades of green. 

What’s the Lesson?

Pastor Rick Warren put it this way in one of his sermons: “In God’s garden of Grace, even broken trees bear fruit.”  What God does for this tree, He can and will do for us if we let Him – but that’s the key – we have to let Him.  He gives us what we need to stand strong in the winds and storms of Life’s seasons, and, even when we feel as if we’ve been stripped of all that we have inside of us, He will still be there to bring us out of the valley and give us new life.  It’s easy to believe when everything’s going well – when we’re standing on the mountaintop.  But it’s in those valleys that we learn to trust God and the lessons He has for us there.

Moving Forward

I can’t wait to watch this little tree fill with leaves again as God speaks life over it as this winter season passes by!  But as I wait, I will try not to miss what it is that God is trying to teach me through His Creation.  I will try to keep my eyes and arms lifted high towards the heavens when the storms rage around me, believing in my heart, mind, and soul that God will carry me through it all until the day He calls me home.

Let’s Talk!

Do you see God around you in Nature or have a favorite Scripture verse you’d like to share with us? Please feel free to do so in the “Leave Comment” section. I’d love to hear from you!

                                                                                Works Cited

Warren, Rick. Facebook. Facebook.com. 24 September 2014. https://www.facebook.com/pastorrickwarren/photos/in-gods-garden-of-grace-even-a-broken-tree-can-bear-fruit-and-we-are-all-broken-/10154407444715903/ Accessed 14 February 2022.