I’ve been struggling today with all the emotions the trials I’m walking through have brought to the surface. I “know” that I’m supposed to give it all to God, but I am having a hard time trying to do that – the anxiety comes and goes, along with all that comes with it. Jesus never promised me that He’d remove me from those hard times – from the things that sometimes seem so large and overwhelming. What He gave me were His promises – His Word – and what I’m sharing today was inspired by a Scripture verse that has reached deep into my heart – at the very core of my insecurities – and reassured me that, even when if feels that no one hears me or that my cries get lost deep in the shuffle of everyday life, He is still there.
I think we are born with the longing to be seen. From the moment we take our first breath, we just want to be loved. It’s not a conscious desire that we put into words, but we can communicate it with those around us. As we grow and life slips in and robs us of our childhood innocence, we’re often left with hardened hearts and deeply embedded messages in our minds that tell us we’re not good enough.
As we step into our roles:
We carry these messages with us as we step into the roles we’re expected to fill – a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a fulltime career, a caregiver – and somewhere in the midst of trying to do all of those things, we lose ourselves. Life becomes nothing but a series of going through the motions, without a sense of purpose and, often times, without our dreams. We do the best we can with what we’ve got inside of us. We make our mistakes along the way – some of which hurt others – most of which hurt us even more. We carry on, though, in spite of feeling as if there’s no one out there who can look past the façade we present to the world and just see who we really are.
What do they see?
I often wonder what someone sees when they look at me – if they can see the good parts of me, or if all they see is what’s on the surface without taking time to see what’s in my heart. Can they see past the walls to all the mistakes I’ve made in my lifetime? Do they see someone whose sins are many and feels unworthy of being loved? Can they see past those times when I try to reach out only to fail because I don’t know how – or do they look at those jumbled attempts and figure it’s best to keep me at arm’s length?
Is anyone out there?
Sometimes I just want to stand on the rooftop and scream “See me!” My soul grows weary from just wanting to be seen for who I truly am rather than who I appear to be on the surface. There are days when I want to give up and resign myself to a life of invisibility.
It’s in my weakest moments, however, that Jesus reaches down from the heavens to take me in His arms. He dries my tears and reminds me that I am His, that I am loved, and that He sees me for who I am. Most of all, He whispers in my ear that all those mistakes I’ve made – all those sins I’ve committed – are part of the past. Because of His great love for me, I am seen – I am forgiven – and He tells me that the woman He sees when He looks at me is who I should see when I look at myself because my identity is in Him.
“Do you see this woman? …her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.” ~Luke 7:44,47
We all have those days – those days when we can be so aware of all of our blessings and yet feel as if we’re walking though our trials alone – days when it seems as if nobody sees us. If you’re comfortable sharing yours, please do so in the “Leave Comment” section to your left. I’d love to hear from you.
***This was taken from the upcoming collaborative devotional I’m currently working on with William Obaugh, “Journeys of Faith: Two Ordinary People, One Extraordinary God.